How to talk to your children about sex

Slideshow Transcript

1. Slide 1: Sexuality education – how to talk to your kids about sex Dr Anjali Malpani, MD Malpani Infertility Clinic Colaba, Bombay.
2. Slide 2: What is sexuality ? Sexuality is much more than just the act of  intercourse. It is an integral part of all of us, it is a dimension of personality. It gives us an identity and the whole experience of being a male and a female. It involves values, thoughts, feelings, and  relationships.
3. Slide 3: What is sexuality education ? Sexuality education is all about  teaching facts,values,attitudes,feelings behaviour and relationships.
4. Slide 4: Today’s kids live in the ‘information  age’’  Today’s generation is known as the “Been there, done that” generation They are exposed to too much information because of the media and the internet
5. Slide 5: Sex is not a 4 letter word ! Curiosity about sex is natural.  People of ALL ages ( especially teens !)  have questions about sexuality Understanding how your body works and  how to take care of it is part of building a healthy life. Accurate information about sex and  sexuality is a good thing.
6. Slide 7: Parents are the first and primary  sexual health educators of children
7. Slide 8: Commonest concerns If I talk about sex, will this encourage  them to “do it ” ?  When should I start talking to my child about sex ?
8. Slide 9: Just remember that study after study  has shown that sex education DOES NOT lead to an increase in sexual activity … but it does lead to safer and more positive interactions now and in the future
9. Slide 10: When to tell? She’s way too young for me to answer  any questions My son will find out soon enough, I  will wait until he asks.
10. Slide 11: She’s way too young to answer any questions These days, kids are discovering sex and  sexual behaviour younger and younger, and there really is no such thing as "too young" for some form of sexual discussion. You don't have to rush your child into sexual education, but it's a good idea to play it by ear early; there's really no way of knowing how much your child knows or doesn't know without talking to them.
11. Slide 12: It is better to talk to them a year  earlier than a minute later !
12. Slide 13: My son will find out soon enough, I will wait until he asks Talking about sex can be embarrassing for anyone,  especially kids. They may think that you'll be upset with them for  bringing up the subject or that they're doing something "wrong" by talking about it. It's bad enough if your child's questions are going  unanswered, but considering the range of sexual problems out there - disease, accidental pregnancy, etc.. - it's really important to talk to your child and make sure they feel comfortable coming to you.
13. Slide 14: When to tell? Sexuality education is a lifelong process  that begins at birth, and continues through Infancy, Preschool years, Early school years, Preteen years, Adolescence and Adulthood.
14. Slide 15: From the moment of birth, children learn about love,  touch, and relationships. Infants and toddlers learn about sexuality through example when their parents talk to them, dress them, show affection, play with them, and teach them the names of the parts of their bodies. As children grow into adolescence, developing relationships within their families and the social environment, they continue to receive messages about sexual behaviors, attitudes, and values.
15. Slide 16: Children are also developing their  understanding of relationships and values. We generally do not think of these things as sexually related but these important achievements in early child development lay the foundation for how our sexuality will develop and evolve as children become teenagers and teenagers become adults.
16. Slide 17: How much to tell This depends on:  the child’s age;  maturity;  previous knowledge;  and your own values and comfort levels. The answers should be appropriate for the age COMMON SENSE is the best guide !
17. Slide 18: Who should tell? The talk should be initiated by  whichever parent is more comfortable communicating with the child.
18. Slide 19: How to tell? Make the most of TEACHABLE MOMENTS
19. Slide 20: Teachable moments These moments are all around you.  When you and your child see a pregnant woman, while  watching a television commercial of condoms or sanitary napkins or love scene in a movie Take these opportunities to discuss your feelings and  values and to ask your child if he or she has any questions. It's not really that important what you talk about, so  long as you're talking. This way, when your child needs to talk to someone, they'll know that it's okay to come to you.
20. Slide 21: How to tell? Bring up the subject of sexuality once in a  while, according to your values and beliefs. Don't expect your child to come to you - they  may feel too embarrassed to bring up sex issues with you, even if they have a problem they want to talk about. Share your stories of puberty with them and  talk about your own sexual experiences. . 
21. Slide 22: How to tell? By no means do you have to be an expert, but it's  important to: Answer questions honestly, your child will probably  know if you're not being completely straight with them. Use the right language.  If you just can't bring yourself to discussing sexuality  with your child, ask for help from a knowledgeable ADULT or PROFESSIONAL whom you and your child trust and feel comfortable talking to.
22. Slide 23: Parents are--and ought to be--their children's  primary sexuality educators, but they may need help and encouragement to fulfill this important role. They need to reassure children that their  sexual thoughts are natural and normal, not causes for guilt or shame They need to understand their own feelings  about sexuality They also need to correct misinformation 
23. Slide 25: The key to success ? Open, frank, honest  COMMUNICATION
24. Slide 26: Barriers to communication Some children are embarrassed to bring up the subject  with their parents Many teenagers feel they already know it all.  Many children feel anxious when their parents bring up the subject of sex and to hide their anxiety respond as if they are completely bored Some children feel guilty about having sexual thoughts  Parents and children may have difficulty seeing each  other as individuals with sexual needs and desires
25. Slide 27: Barriers to communication Many parents feel shy, embarrassed and uncomfortable  with the subject Parents often lack the communication skills needed to  openly discuss sexuality Parents often think they don't know enough about  sexuality to give their children accurate information Parents may be unclear about some of their own  values and feel confused about which values they should convey to their children
26. Slide 28: What one needs to do is to overcome  these barriers by being an “askable parent”
27. Slide 29: Who is an askable parent ? Someone who… Can be approached for information and  guidance… Listens to a child and answers questions  accurately Knows what a child is capable of  understanding at different ages
28. Slide 30: Who is an askable parent ? Has a sense of humor  Shares feelings that sexuality is a valuable part  of being human Encourages a child to ask for information  Is willing to repeat answers until a child is  satisfied with the information given Being an askable parent does not mean waiting  to be asked.
29. Slide 31: Do’s and Don’ts Do try to relax  Do listen to your child’s question  Do keep your answer simple  Do pick the right time  Do realize the question may not always be  what the child really wants to know
30. Slide 32: Do’s and Don’ts Do be prepared for a repetition  Do educate yourself about child development  Do try to recognize your child's individual  style Do investigate your own feelings about  sexuality Do expect to feel uncomfortable 
31. Slide 33: Do’s and Don’ts Don’t think you have to know everything  Don’t always wait for the child to ask  Don’t think it’s harmful to tell too much too  soon Don’t make fun of your child’s fanciful ideas 
32. Slide 34: 10 tips to remember when talking with your teen about sex Be an askable parent  Know the facts and respond in a  straightforward manner Listen carefully  Don’t be afraid to give your children  information Respect your children’s privacy 
33. Slide 35: 10 tips to remember when talking with your teen about sex Use natural opportunities for discussions about  sexuality Communicate your values  Discuss handling peer pressure  Respond with understanding to awkward  situations Encourage responsible behavior 
34. Slide 36: Important issues How should I react to “dirty words”? How should I respond when I find my child in a sexually awkward situation ?  Masturbating ?  Kissing a boyfriend ?  Seeing porno films or reading porno mags?  Visiting porno sites on the internet ?
35. Slide 37: Important issues When and how should I warn my child about  child molesting ? How can I teach my children to protect  themselves from sexual abuse ?
36. Slide 38: Common questions asked by four to nine year olds Where did I come from?  Why can’t daddies have babies?  Can children have babies?  Why do girls have breasts?  Why do boys have a penis and girls don’t?  Do you and daddy make love? 
37. Slide 39: Common questions asked by nine to twelve year olds How do you make babies?  What is a period? And why does one get it?  what is masturbation? Is it bad?  What is an orgasm?  What does puberty mean?  When can boys start shaving?  What is a wet dream?  Why do kids get acne? 
38. Slide 40: Common questions asked by twelve year-olds plus What is sexual intercourse and how does one  go about it? What is contraception?  Can you get AIDS by Kissing?  Is it OK to be Gay?/lesbian?  Who are “Hijras”?  What does an abortion mean?  Is it OK to have oral sex? 
39. Slide 41: Do you think we’ve done enough homework so we can talk to our kids about sex ?
40. Slide 42: What is puberty? Puberty is defined as "the stage of physical  development when sexual reproduction first becomes possible". But of course, along with these physical changes also come drastic emotional, hormonal  psychological and  social changes as well. 
41. Slide 43: The Challenge of Adolescence Being a teen is a difficult time.  They need to :  develop their own distinct identity  accept the way they look  establish intimate relations with their peers  understand and control their sexual impulses  establish their adult sexual role and orientation  assume responsibility for their decisions and their  actions.
42. Slide 44: Pubertal changes in girls It begins with breast budding, and this early  development may be tender and may not be the same on each side. There is usually a growth spurt at this time.  Pubic hair will generally start to develop about six  months later. Underarm hair begins to grow. Her first period, called her "menarche", occurs at an  average age of 11 to 13 years. Development continues and the whole process is completed in 3-4 years.
43. Slide 45: Pubertal changes in boys For boys puberty begins later - at an average  age of 11 ½ or 12 years. The first sign is an increase in the size of the  testicles. This is followed a few months later by the  growth of pubic hair. Puberty continues with an increase in the size  of the testicles and penis and continued growth of pubic and underarm hair.
44. Slide 46: Pubertal changes in boys Growing hands and feet are usually the  first signs of physical growth, later followed by growth in the arms, legs, trunk and chest. His voice will grow deeper, he will grow  extra muscle mass, and he will develop the ability to get erections and ejaculate. Boys undergo their peak growth spurt  about 2-3 years later than girls.
45. Slide 47: Masturbation Masturbation is an act of self-pleasuring - stimulating  one's own genitals for the purpose of sexual arousal, The act of masturbating in adolescence is not only an erotic experience, it allows your child to discover and become more comfortable with their own body. . It is a fact that nearly all boys and many girls will  masturbate at some point during their teen years. Remember these things: Masturbation is normal and  healthy, it is a low-risk activity, it should be done in private, and most important, DO NOT lay a "guilt trip" on your son or daughter.
46. Slide 48: Wet dreams and unwanted erections When a boy has a "wet dream" it simply  means that he reaches orgasm while asleep, usually during erotic dreams. Generally starting around the age of 13 or 14, they may happen occasionally, often or not at all.. It's important that they are reassured that wet dreams are perfectly normal.
47. Slide 49: Wet dreams and unwanted erections When a boy reaches puberty, he may experience  spontaneous erections and ejaculation. Sometimes this may happen for no apparent reason and at an inappropriate time or place, such as at school or with friends. He may find this embarrassing but it's unlikely that anyone will notice. The best way to make unwanted erections go away is for him to think about something boring, and he may want to wear clothes that make erections less noticeable such as jeans instead of track pants.
48. Slide 50: Female Genitalia - External and Internal
49. Slide 51: Cross Section of Female Pelvis
50. Slide 52: Female Reproductive System A missed period, if your periods are regular. . A short scanty period at the correct time.
51. Slide 53: Male Reproductive System
52. Slide 54: Male Pelvis
53. Slide 55: Male Genitalia
54. Slide 56: How the egg and sperm meet !
55. Slide 57: HELP ! Health Education Library for People, D N Road, Near Excelsior cinema Opp Chimanlal’s
56. Slide 58: Books you can read at HELP What's Happening to My Body? Book for Boys by  Lynda Madaras More speaking of sex: What your children need to  know and when they need to know it by Meg Hickling (2001) From diapers to dating: A parent's guide to raising  sexually healthy children by Debra W. Hafner The art of talking with your teenager by Paul W.  Swets Sex education to adolescents by Dr Vithal Prabhu 
57. Slide 59: Remember the question today is…  Not whether they will get information  about sex, but HOW and WHEN ? NOT IF your child will engage in sexual  activity, but WHEN ?
58. Slide 60: We as parents have the responsibility  of being the first and primary sexual health educators of our children!
59. Slide 61: The Ideal Parent list gives parents an idea of what their children are thinking and what they  want their parents to bring to the table when discussing sexuality. Understanding  Fair  Loving  Honest  Communicative  Doesn't speak down to them  Non-judgemental  Respectful  Responsible  Has a good sense of humour  Enjoys spending time with them  Confident 
60. Slide 62: While the vast majority of children do not  become sexually active (in the adult sense) until they are adolescents many of the building blocks of sexual development and sexual health occur in childhood.. Young children are in the process of developing gender identity (the realization that they are either a boy or a girl) and gender role (adopting social characteristics typical of girls or boys).
61. Slide 63: Parents indirectly teach infants and toddlers about sexuality  when they interact with them on a number of levels including the way they speak to children, and cuddle and play with them. As children grow older, they continue to learn about sexuality  as they develop relationships with family members and play mates. Children also learn a great deal about sexuality simply by observing people interact in the world around them. Thus, when the terms "child sexual behaviour" or "childhood  sexuality" are used it is within a very broad context that extends to all the aspects of a child's growth and development that may contribute to shaping their sexuality as adolescents and adults.